The Real You

Some years ago there was a popular comedian named Rodney Dangerfield.
Rodney appeared with a sad look on his face like a "hound dog" and he made a living by complaining,
"I get no respect!"

Many of us are good at putting ourselves down also.
Have you ever said to yourself or to others, "I'm just good for nothing."
Or "Nobody loves me," or "Nobody appreciates me?"

Your spouse forgets your anniversary or your birthday, and you feel slighted and begin to sulk.
At work you are slighted – not appreciated.
It's time for promotion, and you do not get one.
So you think, "My company doesn't appreciate me and the boss never comments on my work and I feel ignored."
So, you begin feeling you aren't worth much.

As a child, you may have been called by nicknames that hurt you.
Your peers made fun of you.
Your parents sound like drill sergeants.
They stamp out one command after another, "Turn off that TV."
"Quit chewing your gun like that."
"Why do you wear that ridiculous dress."
Verbal abuse has added negative stroke upon negative stroke until you feel unattractive and stupid.

I read of a teacher who was thumbing through some new books, and found one that left page 67 blank.
About that time a student came into the room, and the teacher said,
"Look at this – these are new books and page 67 is blank!"

The student look at it for a moment and replied, "I know just have 67 feels."
Many people would say they feel just like page 67.

A healthy attitude about yourself is a major factor in happiness.
Self-acceptance is terribly important.
It does not guarantee happiness, but it does play an important role.

What you think about your self subconsciously influences how you react to specific situations.
Thoughts are transformed into actions.
A young person who is gifted in sports plays football, but not basketball. Why?
It's because he feels too conspicuous out on the basketball court.
It isn't that he doesn't have as much ability to play basketball as he does football.
But he can put on the helmet and pads and play without feeling like everyone is looking at him.

A poor self-image will keep you from attempting new challenges.
A low self-esteem will enslave you.
Instead of confronting your problems and dealing with them forthrightly, you will avoid or put off
the things that bother you.
Low self-esteem will hold you down throughout life unless you work to change it.

Contrary to common belief, you can change your self-image.
You may lack self-confidence because of previous failures or mistakes.
Your deprived childhood may have given you an inferiority complex.
A divorce may have left you feeling ugly and unwanted.
But you don't have to continue to to live under those dark clouds.

In 1979, a lady named Christy Lane was voted the Top New Female Artist by the Academy of Country Music.
Her record of "One Day at a Time", sold more albums than any other Gospel record.
Christy was poised and outgoing, but she did not always had such self-confidence.
She was not always well off or famous.
She was born Eleanor (Ellie) Johnston.
She was the eighth of 12 children of Andrew and Pansy Johnston in East Peoria, Illinois.
Her childhood was warm and secure until one night during her sophomore year in high school.

She was to sing with the school choir before her first live audience.
Her mother had made over one of her older sister's dresses.
She looked brand-new.
Even though the teacher had told them all to wear white dresses, this one would have to do.
After all, the polka dots were small, and hardly noticeable.

The auditorium was filled and she hurried to take her place in line with the rest of her classmates.
They all stood in line ready to perform behind the red, heavily worn drapes.
The teacher inspected the children.
As she looked at Ellie, she began shaking her head.
With discussed in her voice, she barked out, "You don't really think that you are going on stage
dressed like that do you?"
The teacher continued, "You were told to wear a white dress."

She stammered, "It's my sister's dress, ma'am.
We couldn't afford a new one, and this is the best my mother had."
The teacher scolded, "I distinctly said and all-white dress."
"This won't do at all.
You are excused.
Someone else will sing your part."

Blinded by tears, Ellie turned and stumbled from the states to the exit into the night.
Silently she thought, "I will never go on a stage! They can have their old music!
I will never saying again!"

Years later, she was at the kitchen sink peeling carrots for dinner, watching the children play in the backyard.
She thought, "What a beautiful day it is."
Lee Stoller, her husband was in the living room watching the Yankees and Dodgers battled it out
for the 1965 World Series.

She just began to sing, and her husband hollered, "Honey, who was that singing on the radio?"
Shyly she answered, "Nobody! It was me!"

Her husband stared at her in disbelief.
He had never heard her sing.
He didn't even know she could.
Amazed at her beautiful voice, he had her sing again.
He recorded her and worked with building herself-confidence until she began singing
in night clubs and country fairs.
As her promoter and companion, he urged her to become a country music star.

Ellie [Christy Lane) didn't stay a crushed, little girl under the dark clouds of rejection.
Through much effort, she had changed her feelings of inadequacy.

And you can also.
It is up to you!
To improve your self-image, you can work on these things.

First, recognize your infinite worth.

Some years ago, a woman called into a talkshow on a radio station, saying,
"This morning before my husband went to work, he told me he didn't love me.
He told me that he had been living with me only because of the children, I am mortified."

The talkshow host replied, "Without knowing more, I can't make any specific suggestions.
But let me tell you this – your worth as a person doesn't depend on your husband's evaluation of you."

There is great freedom in realizing that your personal worth doesn't depend on someone else's estimation of you.
You are a person of infinite worth.

Obviously, it wasn't Shakespeare who said, "I am important because God didn't make no junk."
But the person who did say that was absolutely right.
God knew what He was doing when He made you.
He didn't make a mistake.
You are created in the image and likeness of God.

Your value and worth do not depend upon your physical looks, athletic abilities, material wealth,
or your intellectual capacity.
God knew what He was doing when He made you.
He didn't make any mistakes.
In all of creation there is no one else like you, and God has a purpose for you.

You may not think you look like much or that you are of much value, but the whole picture is not seen.
Everyone is important.
God doesn't make worthless people.
He has a definite purpose for you even if you can't see it.
You are valuable in and of yourself.

A chrysanthemum doesn't have to be a rose in order to be beautiful.
It is beautiful in its own right.
You are of infinite value just because you are you!

Your self-image involves a basic law.

I read somewhere where somebody said, and I don't remember who it was.
He said: "How you see yourself is based on the most important person in your life.
You will feel about yourself what you think the most important person in your life feels about you."

If you make the most important person in your life whom you think doubts you, then you will doubt yourself.
If the most important person in your life loves and believes in you,
and you know it, then you will have a good image of yourself.

If you make God the most important One in your life, and you can feel good about yourself
because God loves you.
John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world…"
When I came forward in my church as a nine-year-old child to receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior,
my pastor asked me to read John 3:16.
He also asked me to add my name where it said "the world."
I read John 3:16: "God so loved Harold…"
And you can put your name there also.

That changes everything.
If you were the only person in this world, God would have sent Jesus Christ, His Son to die
on the cross just for you.
And that is exactly what He did!

If you have that kind of worth in the sight of God, do you have any right to think any less of yourself
than God thinks of you?
So, stand tall!
Hold your shoulders back!
Think highly of yourself!
You are of infinite worth!

Accept Yourself

Work at accepting yourself.
Our society places a high premium on physical beauty.
Pretty children get more attention and more encouraging strokes.
Beautiful people receive preferential treatment in many situations throughout life.

But unfortunately, few are blessed with outstanding good looks.
"If only I didn't have so many freckles."
"If only my feet weren't so big."
"If only my mouth wasn't so big."
"If only my knees weren't so funny looking – and on and on, we could add to this list.

Teenagers, in particular, have problems accepting themselves – especially if they think
someone else is better looking.
I have noticed that one some people look at pictures of themselves, all they see is some minor defect
glaring at them.

Self-acceptance is so terribly important.
It can deeply affect your personality.
Failure to measure up can cause feelings of inferiority.
Such feelings will make you tense around your peers.
Some become timid and shy, and may even stutter.
Inferiority can cast a shadow over your entire life.
So you have to work at accepting your physical appearance.

Until you learn to accept yourself, you will always have serious inner conflicts.
To free your spirit, you must learn to accept yourself as you are.

Here are some ways you can work on that.

1. Remember, physical beauty isn't everything.

It is nice to have, but not nearly as important as inner beauty.
Outward deficiencies can be overcomed by developing a warm, friendly personality.
You can work at being nice, polite, and friendly.

The old saying, "Pretty is as pretty does," is still accurate.
No matter how beautiful your face and body may be if you don't act and talk nice,
a good impression is soon destroyed.

The opposite is also true.
If you act right and present yourself well, outward deficiencies will seem unimportant.
Others will see you as a total personality, and may not even notice your scar, your birthmark, or your big ears.

2. Make the best of what you have, and work to improve on it.

People who feel their teeth is an embarrassment can get braces, have porcelain caps on their dark teeth,
and make other adjustments.
Dental work is expensive, but maybe just a small investment compared to how much attractive teeth
can add to your personal appearance.

People who wear glasses can find glasses which are becoming, or can wear contacts.
Everyone can keep himself or herself clean and neat.
Even the poorest can keep themselves clean and fresh.

Those who feel they have to much weight can work to lose it.
Those who are too thin can work to gain weight.
In short, make the best of what you have, and work to improve on it.

3. Wear clothes that are becoming to you.

Taking pride in your dress and appearance can give you more self-confidence.
Your appearance affects your self-conference.

4. Develop your intellect and talents to compensate for what you lack.

We cannot help how we look – no we can do things to improve on that, but we can definitely study
and improve our minds.
Go back to school.
When I was in college as a freshman there was an 80-year-old lady who was also a freshman in my class.
Work on a degree.
Read, read, read.

Then others will notice your mental alertness and will be impressed.
Develop your skills in playing the piano, or the guitar, play a sport, take up a hobby.
You will feel better about yourself when you can do something special or are an expert on some topic.

I suppose most of us would like to be handsome or beautiful, but we can't all be.
But you (anyone) can become a lovely and interesting person.
Self-acceptance of how we look is not easy, but it is essential to improving our self-image.

5. Believe in yourself.

You may be your own worst enemy.
Don't sell your self short.
You have more abilities and can accomplish more than you ever imagined.
You can do anything that you really want to do.

William James, the father of modern psychology said in his essay, "The Energies of Man":
"Man habitually use only a small part of the powers they possess, of the powers they might use."
Then, he went on to say, "They use only 20% of their potential physically, mentally, and intellectually.
Most of us operate at a 20% level."

6. Maximize your strengths.

Another way to improve your self-image is to maximize your strengths.
The story is told of the animals starting a school.
Each animal had to take every course in the curriculum.
Of course, the rabbit could out run all the others in the class, but he nearly killed himself
trying to learn to swim.
The duck was at the head of the class in swimming, but she nearly wore off her web feet
trying to learn to run.
The squirrel could scamper up the tree, but he could not get off the ground in the class on flying.

The moral of the story is that we are not all equal in ability in every area.
You don't have to be good in everything.
You will gain a sense of freedom when you realize you don't have to do everything perfect.
You should not expect of yourself what you see your brothers, sisters, or friends doing.
You are an unique creation of God with your own talents and abilities. (Genesis 1:27)

You can do some things well and other things not so well.
You don't have to imitate anyone else.
You don't have to engage in descriptive competition.
You can just enjoy being yourself.

Nothing will it liberate you so much as taking your talents seriously.
It will give you the self-confidence to be happy about the gifts of others.

We are like the animals in the story.
Or at least to the extent that each one of us has limitations.
No one can do everything, learn everything, or achieve everything.
However, we can arrange our lives so as to bring out our strong characteristics.
This is not to deny the fact of our limitations.

To keep from demoralizing your self-image, minimize your areas of weakness rather than
always focusing on them.
You can enhance your self-image by maximizing your strengths.
To identify your God-given strengths, ask yourself:
"What do I like to do?"
"What do I do well?"
"What do others often ask me to do?"
"In what areas have I previously had success?"

When you have identified your strengths, arrange your life to bring out those areas of your abilities.
Then you will be a more productive and happier person doing the things that you do well.

7. Make yourself useful.

Do nothing, and you will feel worthless.
Everyone wants significance.
You gain significance by feeling important to someone in some way.
Get up, and do something!
Help someone!
It will give you a feeling of accomplishment.

Douglas Naugler saw his life as a monotonous routine.
He explained: "At work, all I had to do was to perform tasks that had long ago become automatic.
At home, there were no more leaky faucets to fix, no rooms to paint, and the kids were
visiting relatives for the summer."

His wife sensed that he felt that he was of no use to anyone.
One evening while studying, she looked up from her book and said,
"When you were teaching our son to swim, you told him to keep moving, or he would sink.
Maybe it is time that you take your own advice."

For a moment, he stared at her.
Then, he reasoned, "Of course!
My life is dull because I let it be that way!"
Asking for God's help, the next day he started moving.

His first project was the messy backyard.
He turned it into a useful garden with roles of vegetables and strawberries.
He swells with pride telling about it.

He started moving indoors also.
Sometimes, he fills the house with a honey smell of bread baking.
He hasn't stopped with projects.
He involves himself in doing for others in community projects.

He has taken his own advice.
He just keeps moving.
And now when the alarm clock goes off in the morning, he praises God for giving him another day.
Furthermore, he reflects, "There is so much to do in God's world
that we don't have to feel bored or useless."

Do nothing, and you will feel terrible!
Don't just sit around!
Start a project!
Volunteer!
Coach a team!
Teach a class!
The possibilities are limitless!
Be a doer, and you will feel useful.

8. Don't impose unrealistic expectations on yourself.

When you expect too much of yourself, and you can't deliver, feelings of inadequacy are sure to set in.
Identify and reject unrealistic self-expectations.
You cannot excel in every area.
You cannot win everything.
No one can climb every mountain.

Look honestly at your ability, and set realistic goals.
Don't constantly try to do things that are unrealistic for you.
A 5 foot 7 young man may be playing ball in the NBA, but he is one in a million.
You may have heard of a young man earning his law degree from the University of Miami Law School
at the age of 16, but he is an exception.

Don't impose unrealistic expectations on yourself.
To do so is to constantly butt your head against a brick wall.
Concentrate your efforts in areas where you can achieve.
As you reach realistic goals in life, you will feel better about yourself.

9. Getting it all together.

A solid sense of self-worth is not something you can take or leave.
It is something you really need.

No one can grow up in our pressure-cooker society with a completely wholesome self-image.
It is impossible!
So much value is placed on physical beauty, athletic abilities, wealth, position, prominence, and social standing.
Children are often very cruel to one another.
Young people and adults can also say cutting things.

If one blow or a landslide of blows has caused you to have low self-esteem,
you don't have to go through life with that handicap.
You can change how you feel about yourself.
Do not keep a poor self-image.

So remember, to improve it, you should:
Recognize your infinite worth.
Accept yourself.
Believe in yourself.
Maximize your strengths.
Make yourself useful.
Don't impose unrealistic expectations on yourself.

A good self-image is terribly important!
It doesn't guarantee happiness, but it does play a strategic part in our lives.

Sermon adapted from several sources by Dr. Harold L. White