You can learn how to tame your anger!
Your best bet is to prevent it.
As someone has said, that when it comes to anger, an ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of apologies.
It would be better to prevent it.
The Bible says: “ Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak
and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
(James 1:19)
You must catch your anger early, before you pull the trigger.
Remember, when the gun goes off, it's too late.
You have already shot someone with your explosive anger.
You must stop yourself before you pull the trigger.
You must learn how to control your anger!
You are an expert on your anger.
You know more about it than anyone.
You know when you are getting angry.
Things happen to us, and we choose to get angry.
For example, you are driving down the road, and someone whips around you,
going too fast and cuts back in front of you too quickly.
You get mad.
You immediately assume that he had no reason for such risky, ridiculous action.
So, you get angry.
Who was it who made you mad?
Was it that other person who cut in front of you?
Or did you actually convince yourself to become angry?
Think about it like this.
Maybe the other driver didn't see the oncoming car when he pulled out to pass you,
and to prevent an accident he pulled back in front of you more quickly than he intended.
Has that ever happened to you?
Or maybe he had a sick child in the car he was rushing to the hospital,
and he wasn't thinking as clearly as he normally would have.
There might have been a dozen reasons why the driver did what he did.
We should look for the positive side of a difficult situation,
instead of always concluding the negative.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.
When you feel that tiger beginning to roar inside, you must respond quickly!
Delay the explosion!
Count to ten.
If that doesn't work, count to 100.
Keep counting.
Give yourself a few moments to cool down before you respond to your feelings of anger.
God says, “ Be not hasty in your spirit to be angry...” (Ecclesiastes 7:9)
Another way to tame that tiger is to use your memory.
Put in your memory those feelings and reactions that you don't want to say out loud.
You don't need them any more because you don't want to hurt others,
and you don't want to feel guilty about lashing out at someone -- especially someone who is important to you.
Here Are Some Healthy Ways To Manage Your Anger.
It’s Okay To Be Angry!
It’s okay to be angry.
Anger is neither right nor wrong in itself.
It is the reaction to the anger that makes the difference.
Anger needs to be expressed, but only in a positive way.
Give yourself and others permission to be angry in a positive way.
Aristotle said, “ A person that's praised is the one who is angry for the right reasons,
with the right people and also in the right way and at the right time for the right length of time.”
Wow!
Did you get all those rights.
Look at that statement and you will see the need for each one of them.
The Bible says that it is okay to be angry.
“ In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26)
It says you are going to get angry.
It is a natural response.
But you don't have to sin because you're angry.
You don't have to let your anger get out of control.
You can tame that tiger!
Anger can even be good when it is directed at something wrong.
Policemen are often angered when criminals are allowed to get away with their crimes.
We should be angry when convicted sex molesters are freed
and are allowed to prey on innocent victims.
Children are angered by parents who abuse them.
Christians are incensed when minorities are trampled on by a prejudiced people.
We should use our anger to fight against the injustices in this life.
That is good anger.
Jesus used His anger against the money changers in the temple
to cleanse the temple of cheaters and thieves.
He made that wrong right. (Matthew 21:12-13)
In Mark 3 Jesus was angered by the legalistic attitudes of the Pharisees.
He knew that their hearts were wrong because they stubbornly clung
to their traditional rules and strict laws about the Sabbath day, instead of being happy
that a man had regained the use of his arm.
“He looked around at them in anger...deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts."
His anger resulted in His condemning legalism and proclaiming the freedom of Christians.
Tell Someone You're Angry!
Sometimes that other person doesn't know you are angry if you don't tell him.
Anger needs to be calmly reported to the one with whom you are angry.
It is best to report it immediately: “Jim, it really makes me angry when that happens.”
Talk about it right then, if you can.
Wait!
It may not always be possible, or preferable, to report your anger immediately.
For example, if you are with a group of friends, it is usually better to wait
until you are alone with that person to tell him that you are angry.
Don’t spout off your angry in front of others.
Do it in private.
If you do it in public, you will only provoke anger, not prevent it as you should.
Try to set a reasonable time limit in which you will report your anger.
If you can't do it immediately, do it within a 24-hour period to avoid pushing
that anger down inside of you and building it up until it explodes.
The Bible has a good principle: “ Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”
Look at this husband who has been doing so many little piddling things to irritate his wife.
Then after 17 years, one evening the “helpful" husband puts another onion
in the refrigerator unwrapped, and she explodes all over him in a rage of temporary insanity.
He is devastated.
He says, "One lousy onion, and you go to pieces! I don’t get it.”
Of course, it¹s not one lousy onion. It is 17 years of unwrapped onions.
But he doesn't realize it because she never told him of her anger.
Get the picture.
If someone irritates you, tell him about it as early as possible.
“Dear, I really appreciate you helping me in the kitchen,
but when you put an unwrapped onion in the refrigerator, the smell of the onion
ruins everything in the refrigerator, and I have to clean it out.
That really gets me angry.”
Let the person know how you feel so he can modify his actions or discuss it with you.
If irritations are managed one at a time as they arise, anger can be defused.
That tiger can be tamed.
But when they are allowed to build up, an explosion is inevitable.
Make A No-Hurt Contract!
It’s okay to be angry.
And you should report your feelings of anger as soon as possible.
But when you are angry, it¹s important that no one gets hurt.
You should make a contract with your spouse or friend so that when one of you becomes angry,
you will not hurt each other.
You won't hurt each other verbally or physically.
You say to each other, “ I’m not going to hurt you with words, and I’m not going to hurt you physically.”
Words come first.
Very few people are hurt physically that have not first been verbally abused,
although a man may use physical abuse because he can’t compete with his wife's verbal attacks.
Maybe she has a better vocabulary and can verbalize her feelings so as to needle him and irritate him.
He can’t compete verbally, so he responds with brute strength.
The agreement has to be for a no-hurt contract; first with words, and then with physical abuse.
Both must be covered in the agreement.
We may become angry, and anger is okay.
But we will not hurt each other.
Ask For Help With Your Anger!
You are going to become angry.
You may need help to manage the anger so that you can get beyond it.
Ask the person with whom you're angry, “Will you help me work through my anger?
I need you to help me get over it.”
Only an insensitive, unfeeling person could resist this plea for help.
This method permits you to report your anger without attaching any blame for the anger.
It will work, if you will try it!
Two Things That Hinder Anger Control!
There are two hindrances that stand in the way of preventing or processing your anger correctly.
Ego
Our ego can get in the way of processing our anger.
This is when we refuse to see any other view than ours.
Communication
Poor communication hinders anger resolution.
When this happens we assume the motives of others.
Let's Tame That Tiger!
Let’s Make Things Right!
How can we make things right again?
Be Understanding Before You Seek to Be Understood!
You must be understanding to others before you can expect to be understood by them.
Work at understanding the other person.
Ask questions to find out if you are understanding the other person correctly.
You might say, “ I heard you say...Is that what you meant? Am I understanding you correctly?”
Or say, “ Let me repeat to you what I heard you saying to make sure I understand what you mean.
I’ll paraphrase what I think you said. I want to be sure I’m hearing you right.”
Give In!
You might just give in.
Let the other person have his way.
You are in control when you are able to do this.
Say, “It’s not really important to me, and since you have such strong feeling about this,
I think we should just go ahead and do it your way.”
We do like to have our way.
Doesn't it hurt just a little bit to give in to someone else?
It’s almost like being defeated.
But there is no contest here.
One of the most noble and courageous things you can do is to give in to someone else.
It is often the most loving thing you can do.
Suppose a couple is looking for a new car.
She wants a blue one.
He wants a sporty one.
So why not let her have a blue one.
You don’t care about the color as long as it has a good motor and is a sporty one.
Give in a little here and there.
It might really make you feel good.
Try it some time.
Create A Win/Win Situation!
Learn to negotiate a resolution.
Try to find an agreeable solution where both parties gain something.
It’s called “win/win” -- I win and you win.
This is accomplished by old-fashion horse trading. “ I’ll give you this, if you'll give me that.”
You need to adopt an attitude that says, “Unless you win, I don’t win either.”
We both win.
Do not cultivate a competitive, you-win-I-lose, attitude.
Great personal relationships cannot be built on attitudes of competition.
Work at both in a relationship winning.
Agree To Disagree!
There are some subjects about which two people can never agree.
And that's okay!
It is not necessary that two people always agree.
We must come to realize that there are some things that are not important to argue about.
Agree to disagree.
Here Are Some Steps That Are Taken to Build Anger - Or Stop It!
These choices take us from the initial frustration to intense anger
in which we feel justified to express primitive rage:
YOU CAN TAME YOUR TIGER!
CHOOSE NOT TO GET ANGRY!
Sermon by Dr. Harold L. White